Archive for December 24, 2008

“We’re not happy until you’re crying!”

This is one of our company slogans. We have one for every occasion (that’s another of our slogans, by the way). After all, what’s the point of founding a company if you can’t have lots of slogans? Another one is, “If we don’t burn the midnight oil getting it right, then it’s already right.” But now I am going off topic. One of our Jazz and Blues specialists, Noodle, did a tribute for a young lady from North Carolina set to the tune of Miss Celie’s Blues (Sister) from The Color Purple soundtrack. Noodle got every last detail in that sweet song: the honoree’s prowess at ping pong back in the 80’s, a reference to her attempt to rollerblade at a skateboard park (which didn’t work out), her culinary preference for hors d’oeuvres…the usual smorgasbord of human foibles…and when we delivered that bluesy little tribute over the phone, the client (her sister) said: “You got everything in! My eyes are watering!” Those are called tears, ma’am. We actually give a tear-on-delivery discount. If you cry when we deliver the draft (those tears are different from all the tears that will be shed at the event–those are guaranteed), you get a 10% discount.

For Dorsey on her 50th

Sister, it’s your special day
Sister, we got something to say
So Sister, shut those moving parts for now
You used to talk to hear the sound of your own voice
Oh Sister, now you got no choice
It’s our turn
To make you feel special now!

Business trips, or holiday fun have brought you out to see us a lot
And when you’re here, the party never stops
You know you’re fun on wheels
But Sister, you never sit still
That is, of course, unless you take a spill
Oh sister you’ll hop right up and do it again

Your hors d’oeuvres are legendary; no one’s going hungry ‘round you
You’re singing’s extraordinary too
So let me tell ya something
Sister, I’m singing your song
My sister who beat me at ping pong
But Sister, you know I’d let you do it again

So shake your shimmy

Sister it’s your special day
Girlfriend, well, anyway….
We’re sisters and we still got a long way to go
We can hear your laugh across this great land of ours
You spread the love, and so much more
Oh Sister,
It’s time you took a bow!



December 24, 2008 at 8:14 am Leave a comment

Rhymes with Orange

Last night at dinner, I was explaining to the kids that not all of my rhymes are exact, because it gives me more artistic license (a comment which set off an entirely irrelevant discussion about licenses and used cars). We circled back to my original point and my 11 year old summed it up thusly:

“So, let’s say you wanted to rhyme something with orange–”

“Nothing rhymes with orange,” I countered.

“Would you use porridge?” she continued.

“Porridge? Uh…yes. Yes I would. Nice one, hon.” It looks like we have a family business.

December 24, 2008 at 8:13 am Leave a comment

Injections and how they work

We all know about the latest injections that change lives. Lips look fuller, brows look devoid of concern, and oh, the boobs! Unapologetically gigantic pillows twinned with little waists and frames. Injections make the withered look plump and the moderate look less so.

Rhymingtributes is in the injection business, too. We inject charm into landmark occasions. Whether we’re serenading at a party, or hand-styling a poem suitable for framing, our rhyming tributes always add charm. We try never to be sappy, maudlin, nor cliche. We try always to be lighthearted, whimsical and clever. We love to take a set of attributes, a few inside jokes and a tradition or two and weave it into something charming and memorable. It’s easy to do, because our clients, and their loved ones, are all, each, charming and memorable in their own right. We are honored to be the ones to hold up the mirror.

December 24, 2008 at 8:12 am Leave a comment

Retirement Parties Just Got a lot More Fun

Nothing jazzes up a dreary retirement function like a rhyming tribute. Whether recited or sung, a poem about a beloved colleague takes the ho hum out of hum drum and gives a long career the sheen it deserves.

Which would you rather hear about yourself at the good-bye party?
“She ran meetings very well, using her organizational and leadership skills to stay on schedule.”


“She ran a mean meeting, let everyone talk,

As long as the talk didn’t drown out the clock.”

Here’s a little story about Charlie Bloggs:


Charlie Bloggs has worked in the accounting office from the time he was a newly minted CPA, and his wife was pregnant with Chucky Junior.  He climbed his way up the departmental ladder, earning his MBA in the evenings mid-career, and taking home extra work whenever the company was audited.  Colleagues say about Charlie, “he’s sharper than a Number 2 pencil.” They say he never makes the same mistake twice.


After twenty-five years of service, Charlie Bloggs is taking early retirement. He is rewarded for his dedication by his grateful employer with a small departmental dinner, where he is presented with a handsome carriage clock engraved with the dates of his employment. It is meant to be displayed on his mantelpiece. Charlie has never heard of a carriage clock before. He doesn’t even have a fireplace. Charlie’s taste runs to Danish contemporary. The engraved carriage clock would look terribly out of place in his sparsely furnished living room. Charlie intends to wrap up the clock in newspaper and store it carefully in the attic in a cardboard box labeled FRAGILE, alongside the Murano sherry glasses he and the wife bought in Venice, and the swan-shaped vase they got as a wedding present from his spinster aunt, Bertha Bloggs.


Now that Charlie and his HP calculator are gone, what do his colleagues remember about him? Do they remember how fast he could calculate accelerated depreciation?  How thoroughly he conducted due diligence on perpetual inventory? No, all that they remember about Charlie Bloggs is, he didn’t know what a carriage clock was.


Had Charlie been celebrated with a rhyming tribute, he might not have needed to take his carriage clock up the ladder to the attic, from which he fell last week, breaking his leg in three places.  He might be lounging poolside right now, re-reading the touching tribute his boss commissioned for him. Instead, Charlie is immobilized on the living room couch, staring at a broken carriage clock wrapped in last week’s newspaper.


Imagine a new start-up, doubling sales and counting
But while production grew, there was a problem in accounting

The balance sheet resembled a bridge score run amok
And as for fiscal forecasts, we were well and truly stuck

Ironically, financially, our state was truly sorry
In Fiscal Years BC, which is short for “Before Charlie.”

Charlie rose to the occasion! He shifted our position
From in the dark to in the black: subtraction to addition!

When Charlie joined the company, the books were unbelievable, yes
But what we saw as unpaid bills, he saw as trade receivables

Sharper than a Number Two, he’s always on the ball
He never makes the same gaffe twice, if he makes a gaffe at all!

(Throughout the next few stanzas, you’d have a host of jokes
About beloved Charlie, provided by the folks

Who worked for years as colleagues of this legend in his time–
And he would know how prized he was, and all of it in rhyme.)

For Charlie Bloggs is everything you need in an accountant
Everything you’ve ever had, everything you’ve wanted

But now it’s time to say farewell to Charlie and his talents
And hope he leaves a legacy of books that always balance!

Now isn’t this a better use of precious petty cash?
And wouldn’t Charlie long remember his retirement bash?

So leave the carriage clocks to those with less imagination
And give the Charlies of this world a fitting celebration!

December 24, 2008 at 8:10 am Leave a comment

Why rhyme?

Why rhyme a tribute? Rhyme brings a discipline to writing that other media cannot. It heightens the effort to find the best possible turn of phrase–it requires a level of concentration that is hard to imitate in prose writing. Rhyme demands more of the author, and receives more in return! If done well, rhyme can delight and surprise. If done less well, it can be predictable and excruciating.  That’s why it takes every bit of effort to do it right.

December 24, 2008 at 8:07 am Leave a comment


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